God's Greatest Gift To Me: Desperation
There I was again for the thousandth time, brutally hungover with no recollection of the night before. I finished chugging the few hot beers I had stashed underneath my bed hoping to curb my unrelenting nausea. The shame and remorse poured in as I took an honest look at myself. I was a hopeless alcoholic, and I knew it. I couldn't stop drinking. I knew if I continued down this path I would die, or worse...live.
I was in the darkest most hopeless time of my life. I couldn't see it at the time, but I was experiencing the greatest gift of my life.
God was giving me the gift of complete and total desperation.
I was completely defeated. I couldn't take anymore. I was whipped. I decided to finally reach out for help.
When I asked for help, God was there. I couldn't see Him working at the time. All I could see was that my life seemed ruined, my marriage had just ended and I was suddenly sitting in front of a bunch of strangers asking for help to stop drinking.
I can look back and see how He was working through those people to help guide me in the direction I needed to go. If I had not reached complete defeat, I would have never asked for help.
My desperation was such a gift because it taught me that relying on my own strength wasn't enough. I have to totally depend on Him, one day at a time. It's worked too. I haven't had to take a drink since.